Castle Bleck Idol
by Pr0ud-KiTTy-Qu33n
Summary: The Castle Bleck people from Super Paper Mario put their singing skills to the test! R&R, everyone! Definitely OOC, however small or large it may vary. I hope you don't mind. *Better chapter quality 2/17/10!*
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:** Well....erm....this isn't what I usually write. This is.....drumroll.....my feeble attempt at humor! Yay! Only my brother and I so far find this funny.....so if you've ever played Super Paper Mario, hopefully you will, too!_

_Basically, Count Bleck's crew tries out for American Idol! Ha....who knows what this can lead to.....:P_

_First chapter! Review.....if you actually find this humorous....._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Paper Mario. Also, I didn't mean to use Patrick's song....it just seemed to fit, you know?!_

_***EDIT: I know, I _should_ be writing the next chapter, but sadly the humor gene isn't in me at the moment. However, the editing gene is, so I have taken the liberty of taking each of the chapters out of its past "script" format, and replaced it with actual "story" format. Isn't it great?! :D I'm proud. Well, enjoy the new, improved chapters everybody! Hopefully they haven't changed too much for your liking, and hopefully you still find them just as funny!_

_P.S. Please take a look at the Poll on my profile!! It's very important that you cast your vote (haha, really bad pun XD) everyone!!_

_Please review!!_

One fine day in Castle Bleck, Count Bleck and his minions were sitting around television, and suddenly, out of the blue, a commercial for American Idol came on.

Mimi snickers into her hand, trying to hide her laugh but failing miserably.

Nastasia sighed audibly, knowing this couldn't be good. "Mimi...what did you do _this_ time..."

"I put in all of our names to audition for American Idol!" she laughed.

The room erupted into chaos.

"I know, aren't I great?! Thank me!" Mimi smiled, looking very smug.

"I most certainly will not!" cried Dimentio. "Everyone knows I can't sing!"

Mimi stopped to look at him. "Uh...that's kind of the point..."

Nastasia groaned. "You signed us up so we could publicly humiliate ourselves?"

"Yup!"

Nastasia clutched at her head with her hands and sank down to the floor.

"If you don't mind me asking...when do we start?" asked O'Chunks.

"Sillies! They're hosting the auditions in a nearby city _tonight_! So...right now!" Mimi bounced up and down excitedly.

At this moment in time, Count Bleck walked into the room wearing a chicken suit. His minions stared at him rather awkwardly.

Dimentio laughed outright. "Okay, then...who put clown-boy here in this contraption?! As if he isn't ugly enough already! Ha!"

"Oh, shut up. Just get in the car!" Nastasia said, and pushed the cackling Dimentio forward.

_ Later that night..._

Count Bleck nervously chewed on his hat as he approached the show's host in the waiting room. He wasn't quite sure what to expect.

"Hello, there, what's your name?" said an exuberant Ryan Seacrest to the Count. Numerous microphones and cameras focused on Count Bleck, who trembled a little at the sight. Even though he might be ruler of the universe one day, he didn't exactly like being the center of attention.

"Uh, B-Blumiere. No, wait!--Count Bleck. Yes. Uh, that's it. Yeah," he stuttered.

"Interesting name there, son! Are you a vampire or something?" Ryan joked.

Count Bleck didn't seem to catch on. "Yes, I mean, no! I am a dark, evil ruler who controls a void that will very soon destroy this pathetic human universe!"

"Erm...alright then." Ryan turned to a nearby security guard and whispered: "This guy's not quite right in the head. Deal with him later, all right?"

Count Bleck was offended. "It's only true!"

Ryan didn't acknowledge him father. "Oh, I think they're ready for you. Go on in."

"Um...okay..."

Count Bleck nervously walked into the judges' room, but accidentally tripped on an electrical appliance, and the screen saver in back that says 'American Idol' went dead. Count Bleck scampered into the middle of the stage, but the sign then proceeded to fall on top of him. He pushed it off hurriedly, trying to maintain whatever was left of his dignity.

"...Right then. And you are...?" started Simon.

"C-Count Bleck," said the Count, trying to sound confident. "Y-You're worst nightmare!"

Simon scoffed. "Pfft. How can anybody attempt to be called your worst nightmare in a chicken suit? Wow. So, idiot, what are you going to sing, anyway?"

Count Bleck found that he was slowly gaining his lost confidence. "It's a song from a TV show, and I changed the lyrics to make it fit me!"

"...Ah. Let's hear it, then."

"Alright." Count Bleck took an obnoxious deep breath, and began to sing.

He sounded absolutely horrible. One can imagine an obnoxious crying baby, a horrible car crash, and an elephant being staked. Put them all together, and this is what dear Count Bleck sounds like when he sings.

_Twinkle Twinkle Castle Bleck,_

_ I made myself a void._

_ Nastasia named it Squiglet,_

_ It tastes like Poison Shrooms,_

_ And it smells like Fracktail's morning breath._

_ Destroying the world is hard to do, so I use a pointy staff._

_ Pointy Pointy Pointy, Pointy Pointy Point._

_ Dimentio has a hat, it ends in a point,_

_ Pointy Pointy Pointy, Pointy Pointy Point._

_ This song is over, except for this line, _

_ You win this round,_

_ Mushrooms!-- (reprise)_

"What in the world is he doing?" asked Kara.

"I...think he's hyperventilating," Paula observed. "Simon, call in the COARC crew."

Count Bleck paused in mid-song. "Oh, I'm fine! That's just my beautiful singing voice!"

"That horrible noise that caused an elderly women to die here, was you singing?!" said Simon.

"That would be correct!"

There was a loud crash as Paula passed out on the ground.

"Argh..." Simon growled. "Stage crew! And YOU!" he continued, pointing to Count Bleck. "You are most certainly NOT going to the next round!"

Count Bleck was enraged. "FINE!" he shouted. "THIS WORLD WILL DOMINATE YOU SOMEDAY, AND I SWEAR, SIMON COWELL, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO SUFFER! THE FIRST! ...Besides Mario. BUT YOU GET THE POINT! GAH!" With this, he stormed out of the audition room.

"...Yeah. I'll be sure to fear a guy in a chicken suit. Freak..." Simon muttered.

~TO BE CONTINUED~


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note:** ....Kill me, I know. If you want to strangle me right now, because you are not finding this funny at all, and this is a waste of your time, you are so very welcome to do that. But for now, I must get this on the web, so that my weird sense of humor will be passed on to YOU!!!_

_DISCLAIMER: Again, sadly, I do not own the song, or the game....just leave me alone!!! And I don't own that line from that one Spongebob episode....see if you can find it.....:P Hey, it is a FanFiction, isn't it? ...Theoretically, I can put these things in! ON WITH IT!!! And don't forget to review!!! =D_

After Count Bleck's defeat, Mimi felt unnaturally confident. She cheerfully made her way into the waiting room where Ryan was standing.

"Hey there, squirt!" said Ryan, clapping her on the back.

"I'm not a squirt! I'm Mimi! The shape-shifter!" Mimi cried, feeling like she had to scream to be noticed.

Ryan looked confused. "Boy, what is with all these crazy contestants? Oh well. Go on in!"

"Um...yeah," she deadpanned, glaring daggers at Ryan.

Mimi shrugged this little fiasco off, however, and flounced happily into the judges' room, eagerly awaiting their approval.

"Oh great, we've got another lunatic," said Simon rather grouchily.

"Hey, squirt, how's it going?" asked Randy.

Mimi grew angry. "I'M NOT A SQUIRT!" she shouted, then pounced at Randy and sent them both toppling to the ground.

Randy pushed Mimi and his chair off of himself and quickly got up off the floor. "Okay, okay, a squirt with a temper!"

Seeing as Mimi was about to lunge at him again, Paula quickly changed the subject. "So, um, what are you singing today?"

"The Campfire Song Song!" exclaimed Mimi, her happy mood back and unflappable.

"...Definitely a lunatic," Simon decided under his breath.

"You're free to start, then," said Kara.

"Thank you. Ahem..." Mimi cleared her throat once and began to sing.

_Let's gather round the campfire, and sing our campfire song,_

_ Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song,_

_ And if you think we can't sing it faster then you're wrong,_

_ But it'll help if you just sing along, BUMBUMBUUUUM...._

_ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G,_

_ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G,_

_ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G,_

_ It'll help if you just sing aloooong,_

_ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song,_

_ It'll help....it'll heeeelp..._

_ If you just sing aloooooooong...._

Mimi, who was really getting into the song, flew up into the air and crashed back down again with immense force. She then proceeded to make hand motions that resembled the smashing of a guitar on the ground.

_OH YEAH! _

"That...was...GREAT!" cried Randy.

Simon's eyes were wide. "That was...disturbing, but...you sung on key, so..."

"I know, aren't I great?" Mimi interrupted, bursting with pride.

"Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say that you're certainly going through to the next round. Just...don't do that in front of the audience, please...you might scare them off." said Kara, still a little jumpy over the tiny but ferocious minion.

"'Kay, then!" said Mimi, far too excited to listen or care anymore. She snatched her golden ticket from the guard and skipped outside to a crying Count Bleck.

"HA! I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD AND YOU AREN'T!" she taunted in a sing-songy voice, which made Count Bleck cry even harder because of the sing-songy-ness of it.

Nastasia sighed. "Mimi, let's act our age, please."

Mimi paid no attention, but instead turned towards the camera, obviously pleased. "This show was not fixed. Oh, and I'd like to give a shout out to Count Bleck over here...IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR STUPID UGLY FACE! OH YEAH! GO ME! GO ME! WOOT!" she hollered quite loudly, then skipped off down the road where she could disappear back to the castle.

"Is she always like that?" asked Ryan, suddenly fearing greatly for his own life if he upset this rather violent girl.

"Yes." Nastasia shook her head.

"So...who's up next?"

Nastasia looked around. "Um, Dimentio, I think...hmm...where is the little jester?"

_Meanwhile..._

"Please, tell us: what was your dream before American Idol?" asked a nearby reporter. Dimentio automatically shrunk down a bit and looked at the sky as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"I'd...rather not talk about it..."

"That just means he failed!" a second reporter piped up.

"I DID NOT! RAAH!" shouted Dimentio, and flung himself at the reporter, determined to get revenge. In the process of doing this, he had piqued the interest of several of the other contestants waiting outside as well.

"Ack! Get him off!" cried the reporter in a desperate attempt to save his skin. Eventually the Stage Crew was summoned, and they pried an angry Dimentio off the reporter in a flourish and brought him back to the studio.

"Here I am!" said Dimentio.

"Whoa, dude! Cool hat! Mind if I try it on?!" Ryan eagerly ripped Dimentio's "hat" from his head and placed it upon his own head. "This is awesome!"

Nastasia looked impressed. "Wow, I never knew that was a hat!"

"It wasn't..." Dimentio said, hissing in pain, as that can only be expected when half of one's head is ripped off.

Ryan looked sheepish. "Oh, uh...sorry, man, here you go." He smoothed out the half of Dimentio's head he took back on, doing a very poor job in the process.

"Thanks, you're too kind," snapped Dimentio, heavy sarcasm dripping from his words. He reached up atop his head and fixed it himself. He would go to the hospital in Flopside later. Right now, there was a competition to master, and Dimentio was sure he'd make it to the end. That was a must.

When he got into the judges' room, however, it didn't go quite as smoothly as he had expected.

"Yo, dog! Cool costume! Did you dress up just for us, now?" asked Randy, nodding his head in a way that just spoke "yeah...".

"...What is it with people today?! No, you dunce! I wear this every day!" yelled Dimentio, feeling anger seep through every fiber in his body.

Randy raised his eyebrows. "Queer..." he muttered under his breath, but Dimentio heard him loud and clear.

"What did you just call me?!" Dimentio glared at Randy head on.

"Alright, don't fight about it, yeesh!" cried Paula, trying to bring some peace to this bickering.

"That's a great idea!" Randy exclaimed. "Bring it on!"

Paula put her face in her hands. "Me and my big mouth..."

Dimentio and Randy continue to fight despite Paula's protests, and eventually they destroyed the whole studio.

"Alright, alright! STAGE CREW!" shouted Simon, who was starting to feel the beginning of a migraine settling in.

The Stage Crew separates the two, happy to have so many jobs this particular day. Simon, however, was not so pleased. In fact, he felt like he was going to explode any minute now.

"...ANYWAY, what are you singing?" Kara said, having remained quiet throughout the chaos.

"I'm singing from Camp Rock, We Rock, but I changed the lyrics to make it fit me!"

"Just like Bleck, it seems...oh...my..." Simon watched in horror as Dimentio took the stage.

_'Cause I rock, I rock!_

_ I rock, I rock on!_

_ Come as you are, you're an ugly -meep-_

_ World's in my pocket and you know it,_

_ You can feel my beat, running though your feet,_

_ Heart's racin' fast, I'm gonna kill you,_

_ All that you need, is my power to take you, to_

_ Some other place, where you know, you beloooooong..._

_ Raise your hand up, in the air and scream,_

_ You're gonna get killed, that is my dream,_

_ 'Cause I rock, I rock!_

_ I rock, I rock on!_

_ Nobody in the world's gonna bring me down,_

_ The more violent I get, or the better you fight,_

_ 'Cause I rock, I rock!_

_ I rock, I rock on!--_

"Okay okay, STOP! One, that is very...rude, and violent, in a way. Two, you suck! Go home!" Simon was on the verge of jumping out the window and into the lake below.

"You are a sick, cruel, evil little creature!" said Paula, but this only made Dimentio smile wider.

"Why, thank you!"

"You aren't through this competition. Sorry. Actually, no. I'm not sorry!" said Simon with a look of dislike for Dimentio clearly written all over his face.

Dimentio, however, had one more trick up his sleeve: he pulled out a huge dagger from under his robes, and slowly advanced upon the judges.

Paula ducked behind a chair in fear. "Eek!" she cried.

"You put me through, or you all DIE!" demanded Dimentio, smiling wickedly.

"Okay! You're going to Hollywood! Is that what you wanted to hear?! Just leave us alone!" shouted Kara, as she, too, was under her chair.

"Yes, yes, go, please, and take whatever yellow ticket with you!" said Randy, now _extremely _sorry for whatever chaos he had caused with this violent creature before.

Dimentio smiled once more. "Yes, thank you! Sweet victory!"

He then trotted back outside to Nastasia and the others, a wild smile gracing his hideous features.

Nastasia looked rather unimpressed. "Dimentio, you didn't threaten them, did you?" she scolded. Dimentio laughed,

"I sure did! ...Ciao!" Dimentio snapped his fingers once, twice, and disappeared in his trademark cloud of smoke.

Nastasia made no comment, as she was too exasperated by Mimi's and the Count's behaviors to even remotely care at this point what Dimentio did, even though she should, because he was obviously the most mischievous and the most evil one of the group. Instead, she warped out of there as well, and waited, uncertain about what tomorrow would bring. It couldn't be much better than today.

~TO BE CONTINUED~


	3. Chapter 3

_**Authoress' Note:**__ I'm so so so so so sorry I haven't updated in like, forever. Truth be told, I almost forgot about this story because I got hardly any reviews. So remember to review!! And thanks to my three wonderful reviewers._

_The song used here was made up by two of my good friends. (She actually reviewed and suggested I use this song for Nastasia to sing now.) A big thanks to them! Oh, and then there was one line in here I used from a conversation between my friend and this other girl on my AIM account. Again, it just seemed to fit! And as always, I don't own SPM. Pity._

_Enjoy!_

"It's not fair!" yelled Count Bleck to no one in particular. "Dimentio got in. DIMENTIO! Everyone knows that he can't sing--"

"HEY! I'm right here!" interrupted Dimentio, who didn't need any salt rubbed in that particular wound right now.

"--, so WHY?! Why can't I have gotten in instead?!" Count Bleck hung his head in despair.

"Well, maybe if you spent your free time practicing instead of eating nachos and laughing maniacally—while spitting nachos in the process—then maybe you WOULD get somewhere," Nastasia told him. It was only true, after all.

"Yes, but I'm lazy!" cried Count Bleck.

Nastasia sighed. She really needed a new job, that was for sure.

As it was now her turn to shine, Nastasia wasted no time in clambering up to the waiting room, where Ryan greeted her warmly.

"Hello there, sonny! What's your name?"

Of course this made Nastasia lose her temper. She was very much offended. "Ex-cuh-USE me?! I'm a lady, pork chop!" she snapped at Ryan, who didn't seem fazed by her bad mood.

He commented instead by saying, "...Pork chop? Are you high or something?"

"Wha—wha—no!" By this point, Nastasia was seething with rage. As if it hadn't been enough to have to look after those three (she gave a pointed glance in the Count's, Mimi's, and Dimentio's general direction) for the past few days. Now this nutcase, too?!

Ryan continued to annoy her, however. "Do you need anger management?"

This set Nastasia off once again. "No wonder the show is always running later than it should! You talk too much!"

"Yes, but that's what makes me ME! We all have a little something inside of us that makes us special!"

"Yes, I can see that..." Nastasia mumbled, then raised her voice: "Can I just go in now?"

"Sure...I was kind of enjoying talking to you...no one ever does!" Ryan said dejectedly.

"I can imagine why..." she remarked before she trekked up to the judges' room. She proceeded to walk inside and twiddle her thumbs a bit nervously.

Simon sighed. "Another strange one. You, what's your name?" he asked dully.

"You will call me Nastasia, 'K?"

Randy laughed. "You talk funny!"

Nastasia, downright furious now, glares at Randy and zaps him hard.

"...I'll be quiet now," Randy said quietly, covered in ash and soot, his body smoking from the impact of Nastasia's lightning zap.

Kara coughed. "So, what are you singing?" she asked sweetly, trying to make a good impression so she wouldn't get zapped as well and end up in the same feat as Randy. Boy, these past few days of contestants sure were crazy. When would it end?

"It's a song called, "The Lyle Song". Featuring, Lyle the butterfly." Nastasia explained.

"Never heard of it," said Simon.

"That's because Mimi made it up. Now, if you excuse me..." On that note, Nastasia started to sing.

_L-Y-L-E, L-l-l-lyle,_

_ L-Y-L-E, L-l-l-lyle,_

_ Lyle, he is, yellow and blue,_

_ Lyle, he is, better than you,_

_ L-Y-L-E, L-l-l-l-l-l,_

_ L-Y-L-E, L-l-l-l-l-l,_

_ L-Y-L-E, L-l-l-lyle._

_ -whispers- Lyle._

"So," said Nastasia. "What do you think?"

Simon smiled. "Very nice singing voice. Best I've heard out of you gang today."

"Wait until Mimi hears that..." Nastasia muttered.

"What talent! Aren't you a cute little thing?" Paula exclaimed.

"Cute?! Ha! I'll show you cute!"

Nastasia lunged at Paula, but at the last minute, Paula maneuvered quickly to one side, causing Nastasia to fly right through the window, out into the fish-infested pond outside.

There was a moment of silence.

"Ha! What a loser!" cackled Dimentio from outside. He had thoroughly enjoyed watching the scene from his position in the lawn outdoors.

After an immeasurable amount of time, Nastasia, dripping wet and seemingly angry, returned to the center of the stage in the judges' room. Her mouth was compressed into a thin line, and her eyes narrowed.

"Um..." Simon began. "Don't try that in Hollywood."

"I'm in?!" shouted Nastasia, her giddy mood rapidly returning with this news.

"You're in!" cried Randy, who didn't seem as scared of her anymore.

"SWEET!"

Nastasia, after coughing up a fish on the yellow ticket—and Simon's hand, which he was not too happy about, skipped outside to the rest of the gang to boast about her good news.

"Nastasia!" cried Count Bleck the minute she emerged outside. "Did you fail? You did, didn't you? YES! It's alright, we'll be losers together!" He then squeezed Nastasia in an obnoxious bear hug.

"No, you blubbering idiot! I passed!" Nastasia said with glee.

Count Bleck stopped the hug short and looked appalled. "You...you what? You mean...you're _leaving me?!_" he whimpered, clutching his hat fearfully. Dimentio laughed out loud, because it was a rather funny looking position for such a man of power.

"At last! ...I mean, yeah, sorry." said Nastasia, putting on an act to make it seem like she was _actually _sorry, which she wasn't.

"NO!" screamed Count Bleck, and he fled the area.

Dimentio sidled up to Nastasia and Mimi. "Darn it, this competition just keeps getting harder and harder! You know that dastardly pink pig? He's in it, too!"

"Squiglet? How good can he possibly be?" inquired Nastasia.

They all turned slowly around to see Squiglet singing a sad song of regret to the rejects, along with telling them to never give up hope.

"Oh my gosh!" yelled Mimi. "He's, like, the next Susan Boyle!"

"Pfft, I'm SO much better than him!" Dimentio bragged rather loudly.

Nastasia shushed him, as Squiglet had glanced quickly over in their direction, but turned back around after finding them all to be no harm. She then scoffed at him. "Yeah, you really showed us that by having to threaten your way into the--"

Dimentio cut her off before he could be humiliated any farther. "Alright, alright, I get it!"

~TO BE CONTINUED~

_**Another pointless note!:** Sorry for the shortness! If you review, maybe I'll get O'Chunks up there singing soon...remember, school is starting the 8th for me, so I might be slow on updating. D=_

_By the way, I had no idea what to write when I started this...I seriously had to wrack my brain for ideas. But, the good news is tomorrow my friend is coming over, and we'll be playing the game, so maybe some ideas will come to me. Review!!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Authoress' Note: **_I am so very sorry I haven't updated since September! I've had some serious writer's block getting in the way (it seems as though it is ever-present) and haven't had any inspiration except from ~Pokeable, who kindly recommended the song that O'Chunks will sing here. I am forever grateful to you!_

_I am sorry if this chapter makes no sense at all...you see, I am miffed at my neighbor (no, not THOSE neighbors) and that along with anger that I've had to give up everything I'd planned for tonight has been fogging my brain as I had typed. Please forgive me, and ask about anything you don't understand...I will definitely try to explain it. But furthermore, please review! Drop some kind words onto my very soul, and it will definitely brighten up my night (and further days to come)!_

_As always, I do not own Paper Mario, the song, American Idol...anything else you may notice that is copyrighted. I do own the plot, however._

_Enjoy!_

"It's not fair...if O'Chunks makes it in, my life is over! My friends will leave me for good!" Count Bleck was experiencing major trauma from his loss at the auditions.

Obnoxious sobs came from Bleck quite suddenly. Nastasia rolled her eyes, he was acting so immature. But then again, wasn't he _always_ like this? Take destroying the world because he lost his girlfriend, for one.

"What friends?" came the voice of Mimi. Nastasia pointedly glared at her, because she was not helping the situation.

Count Bleck only bawled louder and ran from the studio.

Ryan walked into the room. "Hey! We need our next contestant, now! The judges are getting angsty!"

As seen in the judges' quarters, Simon bashed his head against the desk repeatedly.

"O'Chunks? Where did he run off to..." questioned Dimentio aloud.

"'Sup?" O'Chunks came crashing down from the sky (how he did it remains a mystery) and landed on Mimi, who gave a squeak and pounded at O'Chunks until he got off of her. Mimi then stood up and brushed herself off, huffing as she did so.

Nastasia sighed exasperatedly. "Finally! Where were you?"

"I was tryin' to die, buried in a hole in the ground. Then some guy on a lawnmower started comin' closer, so I got scared 'n' ran back 'ere." O'Chunks explained as if it were the most simple thing to comprehend in the world.

"What idiotic something gave you that idea?" asked Nastasia curiously.

Dimentio coughed, trying to act inconspicuous. Nastasia wasn't fooled, however, and she slapped him, earning her an "ow" from the devilish jester.

Nastasia tried to ignore him and turned back to O'Chunks. "Have you forgotten about the show? We've all made it, it's your turn now! Get going!" She pushed him in the direction of the door.

"I didn't! ANGST!" piped Count Bleck from...somewhere.

"Sorry, Count, but uh...no 'un actually cares." O'Chunks replied.

"He has a point," Mimi pointed out.

"THE COLD AND LONELY TRUTH! IT BURNS!" screeched Count Bleck. He proceeded to fall to the ground in a helpless heap.

"Do you _actually_ realize what I feel like all the time? I'm shunned every second of the day!" Dimentio said to Bleck, glorified and in awe that someone besides him was getting it bad.

"I hate you, Dimentio...so much," stated Mimi blatantly.

Dimentio grimaced. "See?! That's like the fifth time today! Nastasia, aren't you going to do _anything_? Incinerate her? PLEASE?!"

Nastasia didn't seem to care. "Shut it, Dimentio. O'Chunks, I think they're ready now," she told him, she herself now growing just as impatient as the judges.

Ryan jogged up to the crew once more. "Hey there, you massive fellow! Are you ready?" he asked O'Chunks.

O'Chunks was hungry, however. "You got any grub?" he asked Ryan quite seriously.

"Well, I-- hey!" shouted Ryan, as O'Chunks picked him up and hung him by his ankles. O'Chunks shook Ryan up and down a moment, then watched with a rather cheery expression as a few potato chips fell out of his pocket and landed in a disarray on the pavement. He then set Ryan back down on his feet (and not in a very gentle manner) and quickly gobbles down the morsels he'd collected.

O'Chunks belched loudly. "Now I'm ready!" he cried out for all the world to hear.

Ryan wobbled for a second, then caught his balance.

"Gee, thanks. Good for you." He glared at O'Chunks. "Just go inside."

O'Chunks stomped off to the judges' room with great dignity, where he made such a racket that the "American Idol" sign in the background (that, if you remember, Count Bleck had caused to fall already), that construction workers had just finished repairing, fell to the ground again with a clatter.

"Oops," said O'Chunks sheepishly.

Simon put his face in his hands. "Oh, are you kidding me. Please tell me this day is almost over," he complained.

"I'm here to sing!" shouted O'Chunks. His loud, booming voice had the judges doing a double-take for a second or two.

Simon covered his eyes with his hands.

"No, duh. Just...tell me when it's over."

O'Chunks began to sing...

_ Now that we're men, we can do anything! _

_ Now that we're men, we are invincible!_

_  
Now that we're men, were going to change the sea,_

_  
And get the crown and save the town and Mr. Krabs! _

_  
Now that we're men, we have facial hair...--_

"STOP! Thank you!" yelled Simon.

"Did you LOVE it?!?!" cried O'Chunks, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"The...singing, yes, of course, but um...ahem...the song was...uh, charming..." Paula seemed to be at a loss for words at this particular moment.

"It sucked." Randy stated, short and sweet, simple as that.

"Way to be inconspicuous, Randy." snapped Paula.

"Cool, what's that mean?"

Paula sighed. "Nevermind..." She took a sip of her drink to boost her energy—it's very tiring when you have to judge people from an entirely different dimension.

"Alright, already! You, uh..." Simon cut off, not quite remembering what this particular contestant's name was.

"The name is Chunk," said O'Chunks coolly. He seemed very collective of himself.

"...Yeah, well, you're going to Hol--"

Simon was cut off once more as O'Chunks let out a very intimidating screech, lifted Simon up in the air, spun him around, and dunked him on the floor like a basketball. He even ended up looking like a deflated one after that...err, episode.

"...Pain...light...fading..." he gasped.

"WHOOPIE!" shouted O'Chunks to the world. He was very happy, indeed.

When O'Chunks came outside and Count Bleck caught sight of his exuberant expression, he cried: "Ack, can it be so?! Please tell me it cannot be so!"

"I made it! OH YEAH! COME 'ERE, MIMI!" O'Chunks screamed.

Mimi looked generally worried for her well-being just then. "Crud. I really don't thinKKAAAAAOOOWWWW!"

She was cut off as O'Chunks squashed her in a very tight embrace. Mimi struggled to get free, but it was no use. She sighed, defeated, and hung positively limp in her captor's arms. To get out was officially a lost cause.

"Well, this sucks," sighed Count Bleck. "Looks like it's just me and—hey, where'd it go? ...Dark Prognosticus? Come back, Dark Prognosticus! PROGNOOOSTICUUSSS!" he screamed.

That was Bleck's very random and very strange _Metal Gear Solid_ imitation. Everyone within his screaming range turned to look at him strangely, like he was some sort of freak. Which, in his own little way, he most certainly was.

Nastasia was one of the awkward starers. "...I'm just going to, uh, walk away now...yeah, so...have...fun...yeah." She disappeared behind an alleyway very quickly, indeed.

"But, this is a serious matter!" exclaimed the deranged Count. "Please, come back, Nastasia!"

There was no response, obviously. Only someone as dim-witted as Count Bleck would fail to realize such a thing.

Count Bleck, while looking around frantically for his beloved conquering guide, spied Dimentio with his gloved hands behind his back, whistling.

Dimentio couldn't help it any longer. He sniggered amongst himself, and eventually those sniggers turned into full-blown, outright laughs. He turned to Bleck and smirked evilly. "A face on the inside cover? Really?"

Bleck gave a gasp. "Give it back! Dimentio, I need that! You already had your chance at taking it from me anyway, and you failed!"

Dimentio scowled, his smile and glorified moment leaving him in a flourish. "Don't remind me," he snapped, then disappeared in his cloud of smoke. Count Bleck watched him leave with his book in horror. He then cried out in despair.

Ryan's jaw was dropped way open. "...How...?" he asked, not having ever seen any creatures such as these before in his entire life.

"It's better if you don't ask questions," Nastasia answered quickly.

"Right."

"My one and only friend," wailed Count Bleck.

A sniffle was heard.

Ryan coughed, trying to act polite to the poor man, however much he didn't want to. "Well, so there you have it, everybody! Five new contestants—yes, the judges only picked five--"

Simon (and the rest of the judges), who appeared outside just a little bit after O'Chunks was finished, interrupted and said: "It would have been six if the guy in the chicken suit wasn't so ridiculous."

Ryan continued, unfazed by Simon's interruption. "--and next up is, Hollywood Week! And I think you all know what happens then..."

"Bring on the drama!" cried Paula. Everyone turned to stare at her funny. She coughed. "Ahem...sorry, but when do you think that I have the time to watch soap operas? This is so much better!"

Ryan sighed. Was he ever going to finish talking? "...Yeah, and so--"

He was, yet again, cut off by Nastasia this time, who seemingly reappeared on the scene when she was sure Count Bleck was somewhat cured of the loss of his favorite book. "Yeah yeah yeah, quit talking, we get it already! Gosh, we've been watching the show for eight years, you would think by now everybody knows what will happen!"

O'Chunks suddenly plowed through the crowd, screeching his happy screech.

Mimi screamed. "Run, everybody, SAVE YOURSELVES! AAH!" she cried, but not before O'Chunks had scooped her up and yet another obnoxious hug again.

The others fled while they still could.

**TBC...**

**Authoress' Note: **_I know, I'm terrible! The chapter probably wasn't even all that funny. But, if you thought otherwise, or have some kind words to say to the poor, distressed author, feel free to drop a line!_

_It might be awhile until the next update, just forewarning all of you. I am so very sorry! May the spirit of SPM be blessed upon you all! ;)_

_(P.S.- I probably spelled the Dark whatever wrong...and I certainly don't feel like looking it up. __I know, __I'm such a lazy pants.)_


End file.
